wafblog v3.0

I recently moved all the photos off my compact point-and-shoot to clear it for my trip to Batemans Bay and Canberra. Looking at the photos I’d moved off, I realised I hadn’t looked at it since I got back from Fiji. It had all my photos from my time in London on it. I was there a year ago, beginning an adventure. I look back on the photos and I miss it. I miss exploring a foreign city, travelling on weekends, living with friends and just doing something new and different every day.

A year has passed and I wonder what have I achieved since I’ve been home? Not much really. I spent so much time at work during the last busy season, it stretched from July to November… relentless in its grip on me and my life. I got to December and the year had flown by. I can feel my attitude to work has changed. I am no longer excited or enthused, I dread waking up in the morning and I find periods of time during the day where I sit at my laptop… listless. Devoid of motivation and inspiration. A friend of mine left recently… and other close friends are planning their move. I have resolved that I will do the same.

In happier news, the festive season brought a very welcome three week break with it. I was able to do my usual end of year cleanout of my room. I threw out so much stuff, I filled the entire rubbish bin. I also recycled several trees worth of paper thanks to CA. It always feels very cathartic to do this and I really wonder where I accumulate all this junk from. My parents were really happy I was home for Christmas, considerinng I was away last year. I think we all enjoyed spending time and just being a family. I also got to spend time with friends and enjoy catching up with lots of mates.

So, a quick list of things I wish to achieve this year

• lose weight/get fit/exercise
• eat healthier/drink less
• save money/buy less stupid things/acquire things I will use
• read more books (including comic books)
• play my violin
• play more computer games
• take more photos. Tempted to do the 365 day challenge BUT not sure how that will work with my numerous analogue cameras…
• stop listening to indie pop/electronica/dubstep, despite how much I love them, and get back to my rock roots
• blog more (hah!)
• catch up more with friends that I haven’t seen in ages, spend less time on people who do not care for my overall well-being
• leave work on time

I suspect this list is much the same as last year’s list. The things I want to do never really changes…

And finally, a few photos from my recent photo expeditions. The Minolta Hi-Matic 9 that I found at the markets on my trip to Hobart has proven to be a wonderful find. The lense gives beautiful, clear shots with a tinge that I think only film can capture. The Diana however, is a more complex beast that I am still trying to master.

Fire hydrant (Diana camera, pinhole setting)

"The Canada" under the Harbour Bridge (Diana Camera, 75mm lense)

Owl artwork (Diana camera, 75mm lense)

No riding the crane! (Diana camera, 75mm lense)

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I last posted. Busy season hit like a tonne of bricks and now that it’s over, somehow I’m still busy? Yeah, go figure.

Hum, September was a total wash for me. My parents went on a month’s holiday to tour the Silk Road in China. This meant every week was filled with some sort of party/event/lack-of-sleep activity. I hosted Band Comp ’07, which was actually lots of fun. It’s amazing what we can achieve in just three days, and I’m sure if we (I) had more time, we could really achieve something great. To be honest though, I was pretty happy with the Animania performance. It took me a long time to wrap my head around some of parts, but I felt confident, and for possibly the first time in my life – I actually enjoyed performing. That was actually a pretty exhilarating experience.

I also hosted a LAN, which was pretty darn awesome. Not that we played as much as I would’ve liked – but it was fun to chill out, hang out and have some fun. I really don’t use my PS2 as much as I would like to (hum, recurring theme much?) and it’s kind of a waste of money if that’s the case huh?

Also had my first ‘away job’ in September. I had a client in Melbourne, so went down for the week to do our work. That was pretty fun! We stayed in these serviced apartments – I was quite surprised that they had one person living in this huuuuge apartment. I also managed to meet up with Frankie twice. I haven’t seen her since she moved there for work, and it was definitely great to catch up. It’s odd how much and how little people change over time. I rather like Melbourne, it’s quaint and ‘cultured’ and doesn’t seem to have the same rushed feeling that you sometimes get in Sydney.

Following that was what I like to call “Convention Season”. In span of a month, I went to like, three conventions? Animania, as usual, was lots of fun, ultra-tiring but ultimately rewarding. I decided to stay on one more year – it’d be nice to see how the new venue goes and next year is going to be huge, so I’m all for helping out. Also went to Supanova this year, because it’s the 30th anniversary of Star Wars. Unfortunately, there wasn’t really any Star Wars stuff – at least, no real commemorative collectables, so that was pretty disappointing. I did score a few things which made me happy, and have subsequently acquired a Force FX Lightsaber (Darth Vader’s, of course!). Still, I’m sure I shouldn’t have spent so much money :P Mike also talked me to into going to the Atomic Live convention, which is like a gaming/computer convention. It was actually rather disappointing, as they focused solely on PC games and computer hardware. And as much as gaming is huge for PCs, I think not having much on consoles really limited the show and what it could have been. Nevertheless, I scored a bunch of freebies (so awesome!) and that’s the point of these things isn’t it?

The Linkin Park concert was in October, and that was totally awesome. I’ll be posting photos up on my gallery sometime soon, although I’m thinking of making all the galleries private so I can post more personal pictures there. LP was definitely the best concert I’ve been to – they really connect with the crowd and seem to just love performing. It was quite amusing though, the Sydney crowd was really tame which was surprising given the videos I’ve seen of their shows overseas. I reckon everyone was too busy trying to video the show with their mobile phones to bother with moshing.

Other than that, I haven’t been up to much else. I can’t believe how quickly this year has gone by – it’s nearly the end of November already. I’ve been in my job for nearly a year now, though it feels like I just started yesterday. I’m looking to start CA next year, which will be a real test of discipline for me.  Currently it feels like a lot of people are re-assessing their jobs and their lives. Seems like they’re not happy with where they are and they’re looking for something different. From all the sutff I’ve read in the paper, this is indicative of our generation – we want everything but we expect a lot in return. If we’re not happy with our employer, we’ll walk. I wonder if our work force will become more and more mobile – more likely to switch in and out of jobs. Personally, I think I’d find it difficult to change jobs every 2 years – but by the same token, I don’t want to be doing the same thing for the rest of my life either. I just wonder how long is an appropriate time to stay.

So, being sick for 3 days gives you a lot of time to reflect on things. Well, that’s not reeaaally true. I’d already been reflecting on some of this. I think this whole being sick *AGAIN* has just made me think about it more. Yes. I am sick again. So annoyed at myself. I know I should not have pushed my body so far when I was sick the first time and even though I was recovering, I shouldn’t have been stupid and gone out and stuff >.<

I think I’ve just reached that time of the year again, where I question what the point of life is. And I still don’t know what that point is. Sure, I can be content in my job, with my friends, family… all that. I just am not sure if I’m missing something bigger. Is there more to life than what I’m doing now? Will this feeling ever change? I suppose not, and even if I went looking for more, I doubt that I would find it. I doubt that I would find an answer to the ‘meaning’ of life. Something to make me feel more satisfied. I wonder sometimes at whether my job is rewarding – not in monetary terms, but in a ‘contributing to society’ sort of way. I suppose it does. Much of the work we do provides assurance to the investors of the companies we audit. Which is an important function for the market and whatever, but I’m not entirely sure that this actually gives *me* job satisfaction. I dunno. I’ve been questioning it a lot lately, which is strange, because mostly I’ve tended to think of a job as a means to an end, and if I wasn’t particularly happy with my job I wasn’t too worried as I’ve always considered other things to be more important. Like friends, family. Maybe I was wrong about that – and maybe I want more from my job. Perhaps I just haven’t been there long enough to see the real ‘big picture’ just yet.

I think I’ve also come to realise that my priorities have been a bit off since I started working full-time. I knew that this job would be hard, I knew that it would demand a lot of my time and I knew that I would have to put a lot of energy into it if I wanted to succeed. I just didn’t think it would be this much. And maybe I didn’t think it would take this much of me. I’m not sure that I’m happy with the way it’s eaten my life. I don’t get to see my friends or my family as much as I would like to. Half the time, I don’t even know what’s going on with my best friend… that’s not the sort of friendship that I want. I come home feeling drained and don’t want to do anything more than sit in front of my computer and zone out. I don’t have the time or energy to pursue the things that I find interesting or want to learn more about. I have no hobbies and no time for band. I’m liking less and less that this is the case because I do not want to be defined by my job. I don’t believe that you should be define by your job, I don’t believe that it should be the only thing in your life. And I suppose I’m the only one that can control that. I guess I just haven’t been. So it’s time for me to re-organise my priorities, to determine what is important to me and what I should put more time towards. It’s time to learn to say no, and it’s time to say I need to be me.

Or at least, my web life. Time that I could be spending constructively (blogging… uhm, I can’t think of anything else) has now been devoured by the ‘social utility’ webpage that is…. Facebook. It really should be called a social menace. But, everyday, I find myself going to there – to see who has added who, if anybody has new photos, what new groups I can join and more recently, what new applications I can stuff into my profile page. Admittedly, it’s made very easy some of the things I wanted to do with this blog. Like, movie reviews! And snap-in Last.FM playlist! And book lists! And soon I hope… game lists! So yeah. I’ll sit at Tichondrius and next thing I know…. four hours have rolled by. Must learn discipline.

I have come to realise that my life is currently this:

Monday-Thurday: Work. If do not finish in time, take work home.
Friday: Work. Go to closest bar. Drink lots of alcimahol. Eat. Drink more. Go to K. Drink more. Go home.
Saturday: Go out. Random events. Try to fit in: dentist appointments, meeting friends, spending time with boy. Usually there’s alcohol involved at night.
Sunday: Rest. Get told off by parents.

I really should try to drink less. Or at least, not be so intent on drinking such large amounts such that I have lose control. But that’s the appeal isn’t it? To lose that control. I suspect I have blogged about this before. And perhaps this is boring. But I think somewhere, in the back of my mind – I know that I shouldn’t need to. I shouldn’t get to a Friday and want that drink (or four). I was asked if I felt like I had something to prove. I probably do. Not sure why. Maybe I’m trying to live up the life that I thought other people were having when I was in uni or whatever. That I didn’t have because I would go home and be good. Or whatever. Somehow this sounds stupid when I try to rationalise it.

Met up with people from uni on the weekend. We went to the Redoak Boutique Beer Cafe! I haven’t seen a lot of people from uni for a while and it’s always good to catch up. Found that people had fragmented into their small groups even more than before and didn’t really get to talk to some of them. That’s probably more my fault than anything. I get comfy with the people that I do talk to and as much as I’ve learnt to be more social, I, like everyone else, tend to stick to the things I know. And then complain that I don’t see enough people or know what’s going on with my friends. So I really should make more effort to keep up. Now to find the time….  I did however, get to try a blackberry beer. And a bunch of others that I don’t know the names to because they came with my food. Must go there again!!

I whinge a lot on here don’t I? Maybe because it’s the outlet for all the bad stuff. Or the stuff that sits on my mind and I don’t really tell people because it’s mainly introspection. My life probably isn’t as bad as I make it out to be. Although recently I can’t seem to do anything right by mum. Which again, is my fault. I should’ve put more effort into her birthday. But this whole her being sick thing, I do not believe makes me the most awful daughter in the world. I do care – and I do make sure she’s ok. Maybe I just don’t do in the way she wants. I got like half a dozen lectures recently, which were all topped off with a “I’ve given up on you ever showing me a little bit of love”. Far out. My parents have never really been the type of parents to be all cuddly with their child or whatever. And we never talk about our feelings or whatever. That’s some other family in some other universe. So what I don’t get, is why all of a sudden that’s meant to be MY family? And why I get lambasted for it? I must’ve missed something somewhere… I’m just not sure where.

So, I’m feeling really… ‘under the gun’ at the moment (thanks for that phrase Chez).

Lots of things happening at once, but there seems to be this resounding feeling that work’s taken over my life. All aspects of work. From the actual work to the social to my outlook on life. I’m not entirely sure that it’s a bad thing – but I’m fairly content with life…. so why do I feel guilty? Sometimes I feel like people have these expectations of me, but I don’t know about them. So I don’t meet those expectations and then I get in trouble. Or they’ll suddenly be like “why didn’t you do this?” and I’m sitting there thinking… “you didn’t tell me you wanted me to do that!”.

I am however, enjoying work. It’s been very busy lately, and there’s still an overwhelming feeling that I don’t know what I’m doing. I am however, starting to get the hang of things. I like that I’m constantly having to think and find different ways to do things. We’ll see if it’s the same when I move to the audit side of things.

Bought a PS2 recently… am looking to mod/chip it. Most likely will be soft modding it – less chance of bricking the console. I can’t believe how tiny the Ps2 slimline console is… but I think I made a mistake in choosing the slimline. It sounds like it’s a lot harder to mod the slimline and there’s no room (or adapter) for a hard drive. I am tossing up re-selling the slimline on eBay and getting a fat one. Which I really should do before I mod either of them. Too many things I want to do. Not enough time.

I owe a few people e-mails – you should be getting them this weekend!!!!

And thanks to ‘Faith No More’ for the title from the song “Ashes to Ashes”. Yeay. Classic rock.

So, Friday was my last day working for the trains. I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet. Perhaps it will hit home more once I’ve started my new job. Everyone at work was really nice though, and they gave me a special ‘custom-made’ card with photos of everyone from work. That was pretty cool :D Unfortunately the cake they got me had peanuts on it so I couldn’t eat that, but it looked very nice anyways. We went for drinks after, down at Paddy’s and a few people that I’d worked with throughout the year dropped by as well. Hopefully will be able to keep in contact with a few of them, and I’ll only be down the road from now on so I can probably still meet up with them for lunch.

Anyways, this was only meant to be a quick post to say that I’m going houseboating today :D Well, actually… I’m going to the cricket first (my Christmas present to Mike) and then we’ll be going houseboating. But Manda, Travis, Mr Pal and Kirsten will be getting there about mid-day. We’ll only be there for 4 days, but with Big Day Out on Thursday and everything I won’t be home till Friday afternoon. Hopefully with lots of photos.