wafblog v3.0

I’ve been in a contemplative mood the last few days. This always happens when my parents go away and I don’t keep myself busy. It means I have time to sit down, reflect on where I’m at and whether I’m truly happy. If I’m completely honest – I’m not unhappy. But that doesn’t really mean that I am happy either does it? If I contemplate the trifecta (work, home, love) I’m actually in a good place. I am mostly able to manage my parents’ ridiculous ideas of being a good daughter, I have a decent job (despite my complaints below) and there is someone special in my life. So why am I not bursting with joy?

Perhaps because I’m looking back at my resolutions for the year and wondering if I’m even close to achieving them.

I definitely have not achieved work/life balance. Although, my recent decision to quit working in two divisions and just focus on one should help with this. At least for the foreseeable future, it is unlikely the work pace will slow down. I realise now though, that work has been making me very unhappy for the last few months. Running on 4-5 hours sleep every night is unhealthy and tired to sustain.I talked to a few close friends about it and most agree that this was a good decision. I hope it pays off.

I have also realised that I have an inability to say “no”. If I really look at myself, that’s probably true in all aspects of my life. I’m not really capable of saying “no” to people. I truly dislike disappointing people. The problem is that, in trying to please everyone – mostly I end up pleasing no one. And I always get in trouble then, for over-promising and under-delivering. I struggle with being an overachiever and a perfectionist. And I’m not really sure how to fix that.

I’ve also been feeling a bit lonely lately. This seems completely nonsensical – I’ve had people over almost every night, but it doesn’t distract from the big empty house. The knowing that sometimes, you really are by yourself and the battles must be fought alone.

I got back from Fiji last night and I’m hoping to enjoy the last few days of the break before work starts again. I’ll have to blog about Fiji separately as I’ve lost the USB cable for my camera and can’t access my photos right now, which is most annoying!

The start of a new year is always great for re-assessing your life and deciding on some changes. Why we can’t do this continuously throughout the year is beyond me, but humans are funny creatures and I am no different. Regardless, I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking over how I’d like things to be and what I’d like my life to be like. So this year, I’m making a more concerted effort to come up with some decent resolutions and work harder at achieving them. I’ve tried to come up with one resolution for each ‘area’ of my life – work, relationships (not necessarily romantic ones), personal growth and health. Hopefully this is a balanced enough approach to see me through the year. So here they are:

• achieve some semblance of work/life balance
• meet new people (in general)
• lose weight (encapsulating exercise more, eat healthier, drink less)

They seem general enough, but they address most of what was causing me unhappiness in 2009. They’re also the areas that I’ve gotten most comments on from my close friends. From these few resolutions I’ve come up with a few goals – more tangible things that I can achieve and measure against at the end of the year. And the goals are as follows:

• Read 12 books (that’s one a month – should be a breeze, but I have to factor in busy season, Europe, life)
• Join a string ensemble/quartet/music group – hopefully this will force me to practise violin more (thanks to Manda for this)
• Blog more – already trying to do this one, but hopefully I can keep it to once a week minimum
• Take up a recreational sport – either swimming, tennis or indoor rock-climbing (or a bit of all three!)

I think all this will be enough to keep me very busy this year!