wafblog v3.0

I recently moved all the photos off my compact point-and-shoot to clear it for my trip to Batemans Bay and Canberra. Looking at the photos I’d moved off, I realised I hadn’t looked at it since I got back from Fiji. It had all my photos from my time in London on it. I was there a year ago, beginning an adventure. I look back on the photos and I miss it. I miss exploring a foreign city, travelling on weekends, living with friends and just doing something new and different every day.

A year has passed and I wonder what have I achieved since I’ve been home? Not much really. I spent so much time at work during the last busy season, it stretched from July to November… relentless in its grip on me and my life. I got to December and the year had flown by. I can feel my attitude to work has changed. I am no longer excited or enthused, I dread waking up in the morning and I find periods of time during the day where I sit at my laptop… listless. Devoid of motivation and inspiration. A friend of mine left recently… and other close friends are planning their move. I have resolved that I will do the same.

In happier news, the festive season brought a very welcome three week break with it. I was able to do my usual end of year cleanout of my room. I threw out so much stuff, I filled the entire rubbish bin. I also recycled several trees worth of paper thanks to CA. It always feels very cathartic to do this and I really wonder where I accumulate all this junk from. My parents were really happy I was home for Christmas, considerinng I was away last year. I think we all enjoyed spending time and just being a family. I also got to spend time with friends and enjoy catching up with lots of mates.

So, a quick list of things I wish to achieve this year

• lose weight/get fit/exercise
• eat healthier/drink less
• save money/buy less stupid things/acquire things I will use
• read more books (including comic books)
• play my violin
• play more computer games
• take more photos. Tempted to do the 365 day challenge BUT not sure how that will work with my numerous analogue cameras…
• stop listening to indie pop/electronica/dubstep, despite how much I love them, and get back to my rock roots
• blog more (hah!)
• catch up more with friends that I haven’t seen in ages, spend less time on people who do not care for my overall well-being
• leave work on time

I suspect this list is much the same as last year’s list. The things I want to do never really changes…

And finally, a few photos from my recent photo expeditions. The Minolta Hi-Matic 9 that I found at the markets on my trip to Hobart has proven to be a wonderful find. The lense gives beautiful, clear shots with a tinge that I think only film can capture. The Diana however, is a more complex beast that I am still trying to master.

Fire hydrant (Diana camera, pinhole setting)

"The Canada" under the Harbour Bridge (Diana Camera, 75mm lense)

Owl artwork (Diana camera, 75mm lense)

No riding the crane! (Diana camera, 75mm lense)

I’ve been in a contemplative mood the last few days. This always happens when my parents go away and I don’t keep myself busy. It means I have time to sit down, reflect on where I’m at and whether I’m truly happy. If I’m completely honest – I’m not unhappy. But that doesn’t really mean that I am happy either does it? If I contemplate the trifecta (work, home, love) I’m actually in a good place. I am mostly able to manage my parents’ ridiculous ideas of being a good daughter, I have a decent job (despite my complaints below) and there is someone special in my life. So why am I not bursting with joy?

Perhaps because I’m looking back at my resolutions for the year and wondering if I’m even close to achieving them.

I definitely have not achieved work/life balance. Although, my recent decision to quit working in two divisions and just focus on one should help with this. At least for the foreseeable future, it is unlikely the work pace will slow down. I realise now though, that work has been making me very unhappy for the last few months. Running on 4-5 hours sleep every night is unhealthy and tired to sustain.I talked to a few close friends about it and most agree that this was a good decision. I hope it pays off.

I have also realised that I have an inability to say “no”. If I really look at myself, that’s probably true in all aspects of my life. I’m not really capable of saying “no” to people. I truly dislike disappointing people. The problem is that, in trying to please everyone – mostly I end up pleasing no one. And I always get in trouble then, for over-promising and under-delivering. I struggle with being an overachiever and a perfectionist. And I’m not really sure how to fix that.

I’ve also been feeling a bit lonely lately. This seems completely nonsensical – I’ve had people over almost every night, but it doesn’t distract from the big empty house. The knowing that sometimes, you really are by yourself and the battles must be fought alone.

I got back from Fiji last night and I’m hoping to enjoy the last few days of the break before work starts again. I’ll have to blog about Fiji separately as I’ve lost the USB cable for my camera and can’t access my photos right now, which is most annoying!

The start of a new year is always great for re-assessing your life and deciding on some changes. Why we can’t do this continuously throughout the year is beyond me, but humans are funny creatures and I am no different. Regardless, I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking over how I’d like things to be and what I’d like my life to be like. So this year, I’m making a more concerted effort to come up with some decent resolutions and work harder at achieving them. I’ve tried to come up with one resolution for each ‘area’ of my life – work, relationships (not necessarily romantic ones), personal growth and health. Hopefully this is a balanced enough approach to see me through the year. So here they are:

• achieve some semblance of work/life balance
• meet new people (in general)
• lose weight (encapsulating exercise more, eat healthier, drink less)

They seem general enough, but they address most of what was causing me unhappiness in 2009. They’re also the areas that I’ve gotten most comments on from my close friends. From these few resolutions I’ve come up with a few goals – more tangible things that I can achieve and measure against at the end of the year. And the goals are as follows:

• Read 12 books (that’s one a month – should be a breeze, but I have to factor in busy season, Europe, life)
• Join a string ensemble/quartet/music group – hopefully this will force me to practise violin more (thanks to Manda for this)
• Blog more – already trying to do this one, but hopefully I can keep it to once a week minimum
• Take up a recreational sport – either swimming, tennis or indoor rock-climbing (or a bit of all three!)

I think all this will be enough to keep me very busy this year!