wafblog v3.0

When I’m falling down
Will you pick me up again?
When I’m too far gone
Dead in the eyes of my friends

Will you take me out of here?
When I’m staring down the peril
When I’m blinded by the lights
When I can not see your face
Take me out of here

All I believe and all I’ve known
Are being taken from me back at home
Yeah do your worst, when worlds collide
Let their fear collapse, bring no surprise

Pendulum – Watercolour

Do you still remember how you wore that dress
it slit my sight beneath the eyelids
Do you remember what you said to me
What course has given you the right to stray
And in your living tomb I’m stuck but safe
The clocks are ticking fast with every breath

[Chorus]

Since we’ve been wrong
I’ve been part awake
Since we’ve been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I’m not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess

One day a rain will come to wash away
The earth that held us was no island
I have become ingrown inside this skin
I’ll find a way out through those eyelids

And all the days become a cast away
I seem to think I don’t belong here

[Chorus x 1]

I don’t belong here
I shouldn’t stay
What falls inside me grows empty
The wall between us will never break
Just seals it shut
It grows empty

Since we’ve been wrong
I’ve been part awake
Since we’ve been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I’m not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess

“Since We’ve Been Wrong” – The Mars Volta

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that’s the way I should go,
Straight into the mouth of the unknown
I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I’d be able to say
I merely visit on the weekends
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I’ve tried

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it’s over I don’t want you to hurt
It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way

I finally put it all together,
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine,
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in suitcase,
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that’s the way it should be,
You know I live my life like a gypsy

I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I’ve tried

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it’s over I don’t want you to hurt
It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way

I’ll always keep you inside, you healed my
Heart and my life… And you know I try.

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it’s over I don’t want you to hurt
It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way
So, I’ll be on my way
So, I’ll be on my way

Shinedown – Call Me

Girlie punk… admittedly these guys aren’t too bad. I think I prefer Simple Plan LOL, but these guys have some good shout out loud songs. They’re also touring Australia later this year. Managed to get my hands on the “Rock Am Ring” concert they did with Linkin Park. Of course, they don’t hold a candle to LP, but… they do a pretty good live show. I am absolutely brimming with excitement – LINKIN PARK ARE COMING TO OZ!!!! So yes, my membership to LPU is going to pay off! I chose a good year to join :D This is the one concert I’ve always said I’d pay any money to see. Pre-sales open tomorrow, so we’ll see how good I am at getting choice tix~! Anyways, so onto this song.. I think I just like the simplicity of the lyrics. To be honest, there’s no… “deeper meaning”. It’s just simple, and honest. And sometimes I feel like this.

In the beginning, I tried to warn you
You play with fire, its gonna burn you
And here we are now, in the same situation,
You never listen, I never listen
Now I am thinking of a way that I can make an escape
It’s got me caught up in a web and my hearts the prey
Do you really wanna throw your heart away, away, away?

Everybody’s hurt somebody before
Everybody’s been hurt by somebody before
You can change but you will always come back for more
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.
Don’t try to fight it, victims of love
You can’t decide it, victims of love, victims of love

Now you’ve back tracked
You’re running away cause it just happened again and you don’t want it to end
Trying your best to not let yourself go cold, so cold.
Now you think about the things you thought you wanted to say
But when you open up your mouth it don’t come out that way
Are you really gonna throw your heart away?

Everybody’s hurt somebody before
Everybody’s been hurt by somebody before
You can change but you will always come back for more
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.
Don’t try to fight it, victims of love
You can’t decide it, victims of love, victims of love
You never listen, I never listen
Now I am thinking of a way that I can make an escape
It’s got me caught up in a web and my hearts the prey
Do you really wanna throw your heart away, away, away?

Good Charlotte – Victims of Love

So, I haven’t blogged in forever. And I will update..

But really, just wanted to get some things off my chest. Suddenly had an influx of people needing help. Of varying sorts and varying degrees, but help nonetheless. Do these things come in cycles? Or deluges or something? I’m not sure. And it’s not like I mind – I’m more than happy to listen and provide support or whatever’s needed. I just haven’t had that happen for a while. Everything seems better now, and everything’s under control.

Had this really strange ‘down’ feeling today though. Not sure why, maybe compounding stuff?  Work is strange – some days are totally awesome and I’m gettin’ it and it’s all good. And then other days it’s like, falling apart everywhere and I feel like I know nothing. I think I like stability. Surprises usually don’t go my way. And I get that I’m still finding my way. But I feel so unbalanced right now. Not sure how to fix it – because I’m finding that I’m actually happy with things, mostly. And if I’m happy then I’m not sure I should change it. But I think it’s making some people in my life unhappy, and that’s not going to make me happy in the end.

I am absolutely loving this song “The Story” by 30 Seconds to Mars. Yes, the Jared Leto band. And yes, he does seem emo. But the album actually isn’t bad and there are some stand out songs (like this one!). I saw the video clip for “From Yesterday” and thought WTF, but I suppose that’s what they were going for.

I’ve been thinking of everything
I used to want to be
I’ve been thinking of everything
Of me, of you and me

This is the story of my life
These are the lies I have created

I’m in the middle of nothing
And it’s where I want to be
I’m at the bottom of everything
And I finally start to leave

This is the story of my life
These are the lies I have created
I created

And I swear to god
I’ve found myself
In the end

In the end

This is the story of my life
These are the lies I have created
30 Seconds to Mars – The Story

Hrm. Saw ‘Spider-man 3′ last week. I am still undecided on whether I liked it or not. I think that means not. Some parts were very well done, but overall I find it difficult to say that it was a good movie. I’m not sure I want to watch another either. I did like what they did with Venom, but obviously, they didn’t flesh him out enough. Shame – Spider-man 1 & 2 are the best adaptations of comic books, I think.

I am so tired. I’m literally just waiting for the Christmas break to get here so I can sleep and rest. Of course, I have bunches of housework to do, but still – I’ll be able to sleep in and that’s more than I can say for the last few weekends.

I think this birthday sort of just crept up on me, I wasn’t really prepared for it. Like, obviously I know when my birthday is but usually I’ll have it in my head and I’ll sort of ‘feel’ older I guess. This time I sort of turned around and there it was and now I’m 22 even though I don’t feel it. I wonder if you get to an age where it just goes past and doesn’t mean much anymore. Nevertheless, I did lots of birthday things. Went out to ‘lobster dinner’ with parents and Mike last Sunday week, which was yum… though we didn’t end up finishing everything. I met up with Manda for drinks on Thursday. We haven’t done that in a while and it’s nice to just sit and talk.

Oh yes, I saw ‘Casino Royale’ on Wednesday too, at a preview screening organised by my employment agency as a thankyou to the staff and clients. It was a well organised event, they had sandwiches beforehand and a small bag of snacks for everyone inside the cinema. I didn’t have very high expectations for the latest Bond movie. Probably because I remember Daniel Craig from his stint in “Tomb Raider” and honestly, it was pretty poor. Nevertheless, I was impressed. I’m glad they’ve decided to re-do the Bond franchise this way and make it slightly more realistic and more believable. Less reliance on gadgets is cool, although I did always enjoy those gadgets. And the cars…. but the Aston Martin in this one was awesome as always. The movie goes for 2.5 hours, but doesn’t drag at all. Plus, I enjoy watching poker games. There is one scene that was kind of brutal, but was done with enough comedy that I actually laughed despite the obvious pain of the character onscreen. I believe that was the desired effect (everyone else laughed…). So yes, I would recommend people go see it if they’re into the spy genre as I was pleasantly surprised and I’m sure others will be too.

As Mike was busy on thursday night, he planned a birthday outing for me for Friday. He wouldn’t tell me what we were doing, but I guess that’s half the fun. We went to City Tattersalls for a drink and a bite to eat after work. I haven’t been there before and there was this weird ‘the universe is acting oddly’ feeling because just the day before I had remarked to Manda that we should go to Tatts one day as I’d heard good things about it. Odd, I say. Very odd. Anyways, after that… we ended up going on a bit of a walkabout down George St. Mike had gotten tickets to the Whitlams concert (wooo!) at the Metro Theatre, but he didn’t actually know where it was. Suffice to say, we walked all the way down George St. and then had to walk back up (for me to discover we’d actually passed it the first time) LOL. It was a fun adventure anyways, although next time I’m just going to make him tell me what we’re doing :P The Whitlams were AWESOME. There were two guest bands (James Cooper and someone else…. the someone else was good, James Cooper wasn’t -_-) but I was just waiting for Tim to take the stage. It’s a shame they didn’t play Chunky Chunky Air Guitar as I think that’s a great song, but then I wasn’t really expecting them to. They played a few of their old songs, but mostly songs from their new album (which I didn’t even know had been released). I got a copy of the new album at the end and even had it autographed by Tim, along with my ticket. Yeay! Haven’t had a chance to listen to it yet, so can’t compare it to their other stuff.

I hadn’t actually been to the Metro before, and never to an over 18′s gig either. I really enjoyed it, although my feet were numb from standing up the whole night – that’s the price you pay I guess. In any case, Mike did a great job of organising the night out and surprising me (:

So after the late late night on Friday, we went paintballing with the graduates from RailCorp. We had to get up early on Saturday morning to be at Rouse Hill by 9am, and I must say we were practically deaded by the time we got there. Seeing as we’d been before, Mike and I thought it’d be a good idea to upgrade our guns. A $20 upgrade allows for accuracy up to 40m with a 8 ball/sec rate of fire. I thought that was reasonable enough. However, if you pay $40 you get accuracy to 80m and a 25 ball/sec rate of fire (apparently). This basically means you can shoot from one end of the field to the other… Not fun if you’re on the other team. Somehow, the teams ended up really skewed and my team was the more inexperienced so we got hammered pretty hard the whole day. My war wounds include a shot to the knee, thigh, wrist, upper arm and three shots to the back of the head. Joy. They’re bruising really nice at the moment. I really can’t complain as I signed up to play. However, next time I’m only playing if everyone is an amateur and uses crappy guns. Somehow those $40 upgrade guns hurt like 10 times more. I think it’s the velocity of the paintball, coupled with the fact that most of the ones that hit me didn’t burst on impact (which hurts MORE). I thought that after going to the gym for so many weeks I’d be fairly fit to play as well. I was wrong. It turned out to be really really hot on Saturday and added to my sleep-deprived state I pretty much died after lunch. I must also remember not to buy so many paintballs next time as well. We had so many left over we had to donate them to everyone just to get rid of them. Somehow, I had more fun pouring the paintballs on the ground and stomping on them than I did shooting them. Bit of an expensive habit though I must say.

After the fun and games, we went out to dinner at Ribs and Rumps at Manly. Food was ok, although maybe a little expensive compared to other ribs places. Not sure, just didn’t feel very impressed with the meal in general I guess. I think maybe I expect a certain level of service that just doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Or I’m going to all the wrong restaurants!

On Sunday, Mike and I went to a birthday party for Mike’s cousin’s daughter who is turning 4. It was a small beach party up at Gosford, with mainly family in attendance. There’s a mild sort of panic that sets in when you have to meet family of your partner. I guess it’s this sort of pressure that you have to impress and you worry they won’t like you or whatever. But then there’s this sort of thought that really, you’re not dating them and you’ll probably only have to see them once or twice a year anyways so even if they don’t like you it’s not the end of the world. Luckily, they were all really nice and I enjoyed myself. I was too sore to really do anything but sit though. It was quite amazing to see the amount of energy a 4 year old has, as well as how loudly a 5 year old can scream. I suppose that’s something for me to remember when I get older. Heh.

All in all, a very busy week! I feel somewhat ‘stretched’ at the moment. I haven’t had any time to myself for like a month and no real time to rest. I feel somewhat pressured to keep going out and meeting up with people. Not that I don’t enjoy it, I do. Partly I think it’s because a few of the recent outings have left a little bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, for various reasons, and people complain to me about stuff like I have any control over those situations. Moreover, I’m sick of people guilt tripping me. Even if they don’t realise they’re doing it. It’s bloody easy to do it to me and whilst I may get pissed off about it, I will still feel like I let someone down or I should have done more or whatever. I feel bad for the things I was directly responsible for, and I apologise for those. Everything else, you’re on your own. Don’t have unrealistic expectations and then be upset when they aren’t met. I know that I’m not doing a very good job at balancing at the moment and there’s a lot of conflicting pressures and I’m feeling a lot that I have to choose between people and/or responsibilities. Really, it just pulls me apart at the seams. We’ll see, hopefully the 10 day break over Christmas and New Year will go some way towards resolving this.

The following song lyrics are for Mike. He knows why (=

If a boy had a chance
A chance with someone like you
Are you gonna break his heart?
Let him cry for the moon?
Are you hiding somewhere behind those eyes?

I just freeze
Everytime you see through me
And it’s all over you
Electric blue

On my knees
Help me, baby
Tell me, what can I do?
Electric blue

Oh, I had a dream
For a moment I believed it was true
Oh, I’d have given anything
Just to be there with you
Are you hiding
Somewhere behind those eyes?

I just freeze
Everytime you see through me
And it’s all over you
Electric blue

In too deep
Standing here waiting
As I’m breaking into
Electric blue
I can see
Can see that it may be just a vision for you
Electric blue

On my knees
Help me, baby
Tell me what can I do?
Electric blue
Icehouse – Electric Blue