Will you take me out of here?
When I’m staring down the peril
When I’m blinded by the lights
When I can not see your face
Take me out of here

All I believe and all I’ve known
Are being taken from me back at home
Yeah do your worst, when worlds collide
Let their fear collapse, bring no surprise

Pendulum – Watercolour

Perhaps because I’m looking back at my resolutions for the year and wondering if I’m even close to achieving them.

I definitely have not achieved work/life balance. Although, my recent decision to quit working in two divisions and just focus on one should help with this. At least for the foreseeable future, it is unlikely the work pace will slow down. I realise now though, that work has been making me very unhappy for the last few months. Running on 4-5 hours sleep every night is unhealthy and tired to sustain.I talked to a few close friends about it and most agree that this was a good decision. I hope it pays off.

I have also realised that I have an inability to say “no”. If I really look at myself, that’s probably true in all aspects of my life. I’m not really capable of saying “no” to people. I truly dislike disappointing people. The problem is that, in trying to please everyone – mostly I end up pleasing no one. And I always get in trouble then, for over-promising and under-delivering. I struggle with being an overachiever and a perfectionist. And I’m not really sure how to fix that.

I’ve also been feeling a bit lonely lately. This seems completely nonsensical – I’ve had people over almost every night, but it doesn’t distract from the big empty house. The knowing that sometimes, you really are by yourself and the battles must be fought alone.

Go-karting in Wollongong!

Go-kart Track

Falling to earth!

Hurricane's!

Casualties sustained in clubbing....

And that’s all I really have time to show. Will post some time when I have real things to say…

[Chorus]

Since we’ve been wrong
I’ve been part awake
Since we’ve been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I’m not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess

One day a rain will come to wash away
The earth that held us was no island
I have become ingrown inside this skin
I’ll find a way out through those eyelids

And all the days become a cast away
I seem to think I don’t belong here

[Chorus x 1]

I don’t belong here
I shouldn’t stay
What falls inside me grows empty
The wall between us will never break
Just seals it shut
It grows empty

Since we’ve been wrong
I’ve been part awake
Since we’ve been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I’m not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess

“Since We’ve Been Wrong” – The Mars Volta

I scored three bits of “merchandise”. One was given to me for free by a friend who runs a stall – it’s a wrib that says “Caution: Idiot” in English and Japanese. Very amusing to me and a good addition to my collection of wribs. Also bought a little badge showing a game of Tetris and the demo CD for my friend’s band. It’s actually getting hard to find new badges for my bag and my cap. A lot of the badges I see at cons now are not very witty and I’m finding less that speak to me as a geek. I need to find a few more to fill up the blank spaces on my cap in particular, but I’m guessing it will take a little while now.

I was lucky enough to be walking past the entrance when *this* walked in:

Too awesome!

I’ve come to realise that I spend a majority of the week looking forward to the next weekend. It’s the only time I can spend not having to ‘fit the mold’ and I can just be me. I look forward to meeting with friends, catching a movie, seeing a concert or whatever. This week has been particularly long and I guess I just wanted something to go my way. I was more upset at not meeting my friend than I thought I’d be and that threw me for a loop. Not sure if it was just the combination of a long week, not having the energy to deal or something more. Time will tell.

The day did pick up in the arvo – I went to a friend’s place to play board games. This is usually pretty fun and I enjoy learning new games. I’m actually not that good at strategising I don’t think, but sometimes I get lucky. Think I might sleep and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Nevertheless, the last weekend was pretty packed. I went to Jamberoo with EY social club, my friend’s 30th and then the next day went go-karting. Here’s a photo from the race track, pity we didn’t take any of us driving, or in the karting gear, but no photo will translate the adrenaline rush that you get from zipping around the race track. We had two 15 min sessions. The first one I was really tame – didn’t want to push the cart too hard and was a bit wary of spinning out of control or something. Plus, I was wearing my rings and they were digging into me when I was gripping the steering wheel so after a while my hands got really tired. I had to stop holding the “wheel” part and use the inside spoke thing instead. Second time round, I just gunned it. I figured, the boys were driving like hooligans and they didn’t seem to have any problems so I may as well give it a go. And boy, was it fun!!! It’s quite expensive ($85 for 30 mins) but definitely worth the experience.

And here’s a photo from the night of my friends’ joint birthday thing… where it decided to pour down with rain while we were at karaoke and flood the foyer!

I hope to write more soon, but been sick and want to sleep early(ish)!

Last Saturday was the Big day Out! It’s been 3 years since I last went to the Big Day Out. Last time was fun, but not overly amazing. However, this year’s lineup was so good, I couldn’t pass up the chance to see those bands live. And I’m really glad I did! We planned out our day from 11:30am to 11:30 pm so it was pretty hectic, but we managed to fit it all in and them some. It was incredibly hot (I swear it was 40 deg C) and I don’t think I’ve never drank so much water in my life!

In order, we saw the following:

• Sugar Army
• Silent Disco (not a band)
• Kasabian
• Passion Pit
• The Decemberists
• Dizzee Rascal
• dj Sam La More
• Calvin Harris
• Muse
• Groove Armada

So the silent disco isn’t a band, it’s where you put on headphones that tune into different channels and they have several DJs who play on those channels. The music is only played through the headphones, so when you walk in you see hundreds of people wearing them, shouting out these songs. But seeing as they may be listening to different songs, it really just sounds like a rabble of people shouting. Very amusing!

Kasabian were surprisingly good, although the crowd became increasingly rough. This was also during the middle of the day when it was hottest. Kudos to the BDO organisers for making sure that we were well watered (both cups and spray!) A girl right behind me actually fainted from the heat, which was pretty scary. But as we were right at the front, they got her out quickly and easily which was a relief.

Couldn’t see Passion Pit as we got there a little late, but we did hear them, and managed to get a good view of The Decemberists on the stage next door. Both were really good and I really enjoyed seeing the lesser known bands. Possibly the most surprising act of the day for me was Dizzee Rascal. I cannot believe there were so many people who turned out to see him! Considering I hadn’t heard of him (although I had heard some of his songs without knowing it), I was quite impressed although I think it would’ve been good if he had played later in the day. I like to think of his music as “techno rap” and it’s very suited to clubbing, so it’s kind of weird to dance to during the day.

Muse, on the other hand, were totally awesome. I really liked ‘Absolution’ and ‘Showbiz’, but I didn’t really listen to them properly again until ‘The Resistance’ came out. I’ve become quite obsessed with them in the past few months, listening to their albums over and over. My fave album is definitely ‘Blackholes and Revelations’, but I’m developing a soft spot for “The Resistance” and all its unusual songs. So yeah, Muse are great performers – they’re real showmen, and compared to other acts just had this real “pro” vibe to them. Unfortunately, we didn’t get into the front moshpit in the “D” section, but we did get right up the front of the fence, in front of the screen. So we could see Muse in the distance as well as the screen really well. I do this thing when I go to concerts where I have one song that I’m dying to hear, and if the band plays it then I can go home happy. For Muse, I had five songs: Uprising, Supermassive Blackhole, Plug In Baby, Undisclosed Desires & Knights of Cydonia. They played all five and ended on my fave – Knights of Cydonia. I don’t think I could have asked for any more than that! I was so pumped afterwards, it was totally crazy. Also, kudos to them for performing with Nick Chester (?), lead singer of Jet, and doing a cover of AC/DC’s “Back In Black”!!

On a completely different note, the weekend before this, I went to the finals of the Medibank International tennis tournament. Got to see Serena Williams vs. Elena Dementieva, followed by Marcus Baghdatis vs. Richard Gasquet. I’ve never been to a live tennis match before, and the mens was definitely much more exciting than the womens – the sheer power that they can serve the ball and the way they cover the court is just amazing. We were in the second row from the front and even managed to get on tv (albeit very briefly!) during the women’s match! I think what impressed me the most though, was that during the mens match, I did actually turn my head left and right to follow the ball LOL. It was quite amusing watching the people on the other side of the court doing the same – it just made it feel just that little bit more real.

Fiji sunset

This is probably my favourite photo from the trip. I took this on our second night in Fiji, whilst we were having dinner.

Overall, I had a great time in Fiji. It was a really different sort of holiday for me as I’m used to being on the go, having places to be and sights to see. This was like, you get to the resort and there’s nothing to do. Well, not nothing – there’s obviously activities and such, but no one’s forcing you and it’s not like you have to do anything. This would have been fine, except I’m the sort of person that can’t sit still for 5 mins and when there’s no TV or internet it can prove to be really trying. I spent most nights reading (I finished “Neuromancer” by William Gibson and “Gene of Isis” by Traci Harding) and we also borrowed Scrabble one night although my brain was too mushed to be any good. I’m glad I brought my eee pc as “Man vs. Wild” provided some much needed entertainment. It’s currently my favourite show and I keep raving about it.

Anyways, the days were usually spent swimming, snorkelling or kayakking. I’d never been snorkelling before so that was a great experience for me. I love not having to come up for air and we saw lots of fish, sea cucumbers and even a blue starfish! I would love to go snorkelling again as I have my own gear now and it’s pretty easy. I also enjoyed kayakking although it nearly killed my arms. My friend accidentally let my kayak drift out to the middle of the cove (!!!) while I was grabbing an oar so we paddled her kayak out to mine, and then I had to paddle against the current to get back to shore. That’s right… against the current, and the current was damn strong! My arms ached so much the next day, but I went kayakking again anyways. Might as well make the most of it right?

I am glad I only went for five days though. I think any longer and I would’ve just gone stir crazy. I’m not sure if I’d go back for another holiday. I can see the appeal of just lazing about in your bure or going to the beach for days, but I like seeing sights and learning about cultures and stuff. All I learnt in Fiji is “Fiji time!” and “Bula!” LOL. Nah, I think it’s that, after five days, no matter how great the beach is I do want to do something else.