wafblog v3.0

I am so tired. I’m literally just waiting for the Christmas break to get here so I can sleep and rest. Of course, I have bunches of housework to do, but still – I’ll be able to sleep in and that’s more than I can say for the last few weekends.

I think this birthday sort of just crept up on me, I wasn’t really prepared for it. Like, obviously I know when my birthday is but usually I’ll have it in my head and I’ll sort of ‘feel’ older I guess. This time I sort of turned around and there it was and now I’m 22 even though I don’t feel it. I wonder if you get to an age where it just goes past and doesn’t mean much anymore. Nevertheless, I did lots of birthday things. Went out to ‘lobster dinner’ with parents and Mike last Sunday week, which was yum… though we didn’t end up finishing everything. I met up with Manda for drinks on Thursday. We haven’t done that in a while and it’s nice to just sit and talk.

Oh yes, I saw ‘Casino Royale’ on Wednesday too, at a preview screening organised by my employment agency as a thankyou to the staff and clients. It was a well organised event, they had sandwiches beforehand and a small bag of snacks for everyone inside the cinema. I didn’t have very high expectations for the latest Bond movie. Probably because I remember Daniel Craig from his stint in “Tomb Raider” and honestly, it was pretty poor. Nevertheless, I was impressed. I’m glad they’ve decided to re-do the Bond franchise this way and make it slightly more realistic and more believable. Less reliance on gadgets is cool, although I did always enjoy those gadgets. And the cars…. but the Aston Martin in this one was awesome as always. The movie goes for 2.5 hours, but doesn’t drag at all. Plus, I enjoy watching poker games. There is one scene that was kind of brutal, but was done with enough comedy that I actually laughed despite the obvious pain of the character onscreen. I believe that was the desired effect (everyone else laughed…). So yes, I would recommend people go see it if they’re into the spy genre as I was pleasantly surprised and I’m sure others will be too.

As Mike was busy on thursday night, he planned a birthday outing for me for Friday. He wouldn’t tell me what we were doing, but I guess that’s half the fun. We went to City Tattersalls for a drink and a bite to eat after work. I haven’t been there before and there was this weird ‘the universe is acting oddly’ feeling because just the day before I had remarked to Manda that we should go to Tatts one day as I’d heard good things about it. Odd, I say. Very odd. Anyways, after that… we ended up going on a bit of a walkabout down George St. Mike had gotten tickets to the Whitlams concert (wooo!) at the Metro Theatre, but he didn’t actually know where it was. Suffice to say, we walked all the way down George St. and then had to walk back up (for me to discover we’d actually passed it the first time) LOL. It was a fun adventure anyways, although next time I’m just going to make him tell me what we’re doing :P The Whitlams were AWESOME. There were two guest bands (James Cooper and someone else…. the someone else was good, James Cooper wasn’t -_-) but I was just waiting for Tim to take the stage. It’s a shame they didn’t play Chunky Chunky Air Guitar as I think that’s a great song, but then I wasn’t really expecting them to. They played a few of their old songs, but mostly songs from their new album (which I didn’t even know had been released). I got a copy of the new album at the end and even had it autographed by Tim, along with my ticket. Yeay! Haven’t had a chance to listen to it yet, so can’t compare it to their other stuff.

I hadn’t actually been to the Metro before, and never to an over 18′s gig either. I really enjoyed it, although my feet were numb from standing up the whole night – that’s the price you pay I guess. In any case, Mike did a great job of organising the night out and surprising me (:

So after the late late night on Friday, we went paintballing with the graduates from RailCorp. We had to get up early on Saturday morning to be at Rouse Hill by 9am, and I must say we were practically deaded by the time we got there. Seeing as we’d been before, Mike and I thought it’d be a good idea to upgrade our guns. A $20 upgrade allows for accuracy up to 40m with a 8 ball/sec rate of fire. I thought that was reasonable enough. However, if you pay $40 you get accuracy to 80m and a 25 ball/sec rate of fire (apparently). This basically means you can shoot from one end of the field to the other… Not fun if you’re on the other team. Somehow, the teams ended up really skewed and my team was the more inexperienced so we got hammered pretty hard the whole day. My war wounds include a shot to the knee, thigh, wrist, upper arm and three shots to the back of the head. Joy. They’re bruising really nice at the moment. I really can’t complain as I signed up to play. However, next time I’m only playing if everyone is an amateur and uses crappy guns. Somehow those $40 upgrade guns hurt like 10 times more. I think it’s the velocity of the paintball, coupled with the fact that most of the ones that hit me didn’t burst on impact (which hurts MORE). I thought that after going to the gym for so many weeks I’d be fairly fit to play as well. I was wrong. It turned out to be really really hot on Saturday and added to my sleep-deprived state I pretty much died after lunch. I must also remember not to buy so many paintballs next time as well. We had so many left over we had to donate them to everyone just to get rid of them. Somehow, I had more fun pouring the paintballs on the ground and stomping on them than I did shooting them. Bit of an expensive habit though I must say.

After the fun and games, we went out to dinner at Ribs and Rumps at Manly. Food was ok, although maybe a little expensive compared to other ribs places. Not sure, just didn’t feel very impressed with the meal in general I guess. I think maybe I expect a certain level of service that just doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Or I’m going to all the wrong restaurants!

On Sunday, Mike and I went to a birthday party for Mike’s cousin’s daughter who is turning 4. It was a small beach party up at Gosford, with mainly family in attendance. There’s a mild sort of panic that sets in when you have to meet family of your partner. I guess it’s this sort of pressure that you have to impress and you worry they won’t like you or whatever. But then there’s this sort of thought that really, you’re not dating them and you’ll probably only have to see them once or twice a year anyways so even if they don’t like you it’s not the end of the world. Luckily, they were all really nice and I enjoyed myself. I was too sore to really do anything but sit though. It was quite amazing to see the amount of energy a 4 year old has, as well as how loudly a 5 year old can scream. I suppose that’s something for me to remember when I get older. Heh.

All in all, a very busy week! I feel somewhat ‘stretched’ at the moment. I haven’t had any time to myself for like a month and no real time to rest. I feel somewhat pressured to keep going out and meeting up with people. Not that I don’t enjoy it, I do. Partly I think it’s because a few of the recent outings have left a little bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, for various reasons, and people complain to me about stuff like I have any control over those situations. Moreover, I’m sick of people guilt tripping me. Even if they don’t realise they’re doing it. It’s bloody easy to do it to me and whilst I may get pissed off about it, I will still feel like I let someone down or I should have done more or whatever. I feel bad for the things I was directly responsible for, and I apologise for those. Everything else, you’re on your own. Don’t have unrealistic expectations and then be upset when they aren’t met. I know that I’m not doing a very good job at balancing at the moment and there’s a lot of conflicting pressures and I’m feeling a lot that I have to choose between people and/or responsibilities. Really, it just pulls me apart at the seams. We’ll see, hopefully the 10 day break over Christmas and New Year will go some way towards resolving this.

The following song lyrics are for Mike. He knows why (=

If a boy had a chance
A chance with someone like you
Are you gonna break his heart?
Let him cry for the moon?
Are you hiding somewhere behind those eyes?

I just freeze
Everytime you see through me
And it’s all over you
Electric blue

On my knees
Help me, baby
Tell me, what can I do?
Electric blue

Oh, I had a dream
For a moment I believed it was true
Oh, I’d have given anything
Just to be there with you
Are you hiding
Somewhere behind those eyes?

I just freeze
Everytime you see through me
And it’s all over you
Electric blue

In too deep
Standing here waiting
As I’m breaking into
Electric blue
I can see
Can see that it may be just a vision for you
Electric blue

On my knees
Help me, baby
Tell me what can I do?
Electric blue
Icehouse – Electric Blue

I haven’t blogged in a few days, been a little busy but also just haven’t felt like it. I’ve been quite up and down lately and I’m not sure what the cause of that is. Thinking logically, I haven’t anything to complain about. Emotionally, I feel like a complete wreck. I haven’t found any explanation for it beyond that I’m stupid and girly. But that’s not really a good reason is it? I am hoping that it will pass soon and considering I’ll be quite busy for the next few weeks it should work itself out.

So, the Democrats now have the majority in both the Senate and the House of Reps in the US of A. This should be an interesting two years to the next Presidential Election. Maybe we can finally be rid of that monkey. Admittedly, I don’t know enough about the American political system to be able to understand the full implications of this, but I sense the winds of change and I’m hoping they blow this way as well. Whether or not it means a change in foreign policy as well as world politics remains to be seen.

Went out on Saturday with Mike, Manda and Travis. We saw ‘Macbeth’ at the Figtree Theatre at UNSW. It’s been ages since I’ve seen any Shakespeare and I studied ‘Macbeth’ as one of my HSC texts so I already knew the story. In the end, this was rather lucky as the style in which the play was presented made for a rather confusing time. Some of the actors played 3-5 different characters, and it was hard to determine who was who as a result. In addition, the whole ‘minimalistic’ approach was difficult for me to follow because the lack of props and scenery leaves a lot to the imagination. I think next time I see Shakespeare I’ll pick one that has the full costume and all that.

Crossword clues for today:

• Percentage (5) _ A _ I _
• Expression (5) _ _ _ _ M

I’ve now changed the settings so that you don’t need to be logged in to post comments cos someone complained :P As long as I don’t get flooded with spam comments again it should stay that way.

I’ve noticed that if I blog on a regular basis (say once every 2-3 days) my posts tend to come out with more in-depth ramblings on general crap that people probably don’t care too much about. But, if I blog once a week I end up with like this “so I did this, and this, and this” type of entry which is fine but doesn’t really say too much beyond “that was fun”. I’m wary of writing too much on politics or religion or economics. My views on some things are fairly rigid and I don’t bend too easily when discussing those subjects. Then when it comes to say, things like the drought and the current water shortage in Australia well, I daresay there’s not a jot I can do about it. I know that’s a defeatist attitude, but I’m just geared that way.

I have realised though, that I haven’t really been doing much to expand my horizons lately. With uni at least, I was ‘learning’ stuff every week and doing things to keep me busy. Now, I go to work, I go to the gym, I go online occasionally, I watch a few TV shows and that’s kind of it. I try to meet up with friends when I can and keep up with all that they’ve been up to. I think maybe after years (literally) of always having to do something when I got home that I’m just not used to not having anything of substance to do. However, it doesn’t meant that I’m doing things I should be doing like practising violin, practising my driving or doing something constructive like building a website. I’m not really sure why that is. Even worse, I’m not getting to bed any earlier than when I was at uni. So I go to bed at 1am, get up at 7am and I go to work half-dead everyday. I’m fairly sure that if I keep it I’m just not going to make it through next year.

Then there’s things I’ve been thinking that I maybe should look into. Like, improving my cantonese or learning a new language or teaching myself php. I am very lazy and in some ways becoming used to having ‘little’ to worry about. A lot of people say that November is when the year feels slow. I certainly feel that way right now. I’ve got a few things planned during the end of November, but once December starts we’ll be into the silly season and that means next year will be right around the corner. Maybe it’s good to have some calm and less stress before the new year brings new adventures.

So, most of the time I’m on MSN and no one talks to me. Or there’s no one to talk to. Then there are the nights where you’ll sit down and start talking to someone, and then someone else will message you. And someone else. And someone else. And suddenly you’re managing 6 simultaneous conversations. Which is kind of fun and it is always great to talk to friends. I’ve got three different friends who are going away sometime this month, all three will be going to HK and two are then going to Europe. It was hard just to keep up with who was going where and for how long.

There was a fire drill at work yesterday which meant that I had to walk down 26 flights of stairs. It was a shame they picked the day I normally go to the gym – but I shouldn’t complain about getting more exercise I guess. It was a bit of a farce and nobody seems to take these things seriously, I’d be worried in a real emergency though. My arms are hurting from the gym yesterday, as are my abs but my legs seem fine. Guess the stretches have been working after all.

So, I told my parents about Mike last night. I guess if you know me, and my history with my parents you’d get the significance of this. I think I built it up in my head too much and maybe stressed over it more than I needed to. They seemed to take it fine, to the point of not really caring so that’s … I dunno. But hey, I was expecting them to be all against it so that’s better than I hoped for. Not too sure, I think I may have approached it the wrong way and maybe really should have just left it for them to figure out. But it’s done now, and I can stop agonising over it. My dad took it much better than my mum I think, but then she’s always been the one to watch out for. I guess I should just be happy it’s done and not make a big deal out of it.

Liddle Facts No. 82: Animal that lay eggs don’t have belly buttons.

I wasn’t sure whether to go “DUH!” at this. Damn orange juice facts.

I am feeling really down at the moment. I’m not really sure why. I should be happy or at least I shouldn’t be down. It’s just one of those moods where everything gets to you and you just want someone to come and say “it’ll be alright”. Of course, some people are just too thick to realise it’s that easy. Really, it’s just that everything seems to be bugging me at the moment. Must stop being angry all the time.

I was e-mailing Su yesterday, and she was talking about how she’s scared that when she comes back from Sing that everything will have changed and it’ll be all different. And I did the proper thing and told her that it doesn’t matter cos friends can survive time apart and the friendship can still be strong. Is it hypocritical if I fear the same thing? Because if you think back on your friendships, why is that some became stronger and others just… didn’t? Sometimes it’s the character of the other person and who you are and all that sort of thing. But still, where you are in life, being around, meeting and hanging out… they all have to factor in somewhere don’t they? So what if you come back to find that things have changed and it’s just not what you expect? If you’re me, you’ll likely just try and deal. Mostly by not dealing with it. It’s been pointed out to me that this is a fairly unhealthy thing to do and I agree. Sometimes I’m not sure I care though. I don’t always want to be feeling something, I don’t always want to thinking, I don’t always want to care. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t care and that I could just walk away and live in a small house in the country. By myself. I’m not even sure where this impulse comes from. Maybe the need to get away from it all. Have life be less emotional, less tied up, less baggage. Because really, how can you continue to have those issues if no one’s around?

So I spent the weekend cleaning up room. This caused much tension between my mother and myself. I’d agreed to clean up my wardrobe before I left because my aunt had sent down a bunch of corporate-type wear that she can no longer fit into. This kinda meant that my wardrobe expanded four times straight-away (even after ditching the less desireable items). In fact, I had to send my dad out to buy me an extra hanger thing. Which was fine. I ironed the 50 shirts that I’d left in the basket since summer whilst watching “Underworld: Evolution” and then “Walking with Beasts”. “Walking with Beasts” was pretty awesome actually. I wish I’d gotten “Walking with Dinosaurs” as well.

Anyways, my mum went on a rampage about the state of my room. I should admit that my room is fairly messy and has been deemed a health hazard on numerous occasions before (re: four year old Coke bottle) but this time, it’s just piles of notes and books from uni that I haven’t gotten around to sorting out. So yeah, everytime I sat down for like 5 minutes my mum would come and yell at me and be all “why aren’t you cleaning your room?”. Drove me up the wall. I should be able to clean up most of it fairly quickly. Mostly it’s just determining what stuff to keep and what to recycle. But really, I think I would have been more productive if she’d just shut the fuck up and let me get on with it. Plus I got the ‘ungrateful child’ speech, which usually just makes me want to gag. I think I should take back previous comments about things at home being good. I’m wondering if she’s just being like that because she’s losing control over me. These days, I don’t tend to ask if I can go out – I just tell her that I am. I have no real financial dependence on my parents and I don’t really consult them on things. We’ll see how it goes. I would like to move out sometime next year, but I’m not sure if it’s financially feasible and I’m enough of a control freak to want to make sure that everything is going smoothly first.

Other exciting news includes the shooting that was happened in my work building on Friday morning. There’s a nightclub at the bottom of the building, and apparently at 1am three men in balaclavas drove up and shot some 30+ bullets into the front glass doors of the building. Near the actual entrance to the nightclub but didn’t damage it. It was a little scary to walk to work on Friday morning and find the usual entrance blocked off with police tape and media cameras standing around outside (especially as I didn’t know what had happened). I was sorely tempted to whip out my phone and take pictures with my camera of the bullet holes and the shattered glass. I actually wondered if someone hated RailCorp enough to come shoot at our building. The most annoying thing though, was not being able to use the normal liftwell. I had to use the other one, go to Level 9, walk across the level, go up to 16, change again, and then go to level 26. It was a real deterrent to going downstairs for a coffee. Not that it stopped us. I’ve since read in the paper that they suspect the shooting may be in connection with the owners not paying protection money or something.

Went to Equilibrium for drinks after work on Friday for one of guy’s birthday and also cos someone else retired. We got there just before 5, which was cool cos it wasn’t packed. But two of the people got there late and were refused entry to the bar citing that there was a RailCorp function and they weren’t on the guest list o_O This seemed rather dodgy considering that we had gotten in, and we were in the public area of the bar, not a function room. Anyways, they left, and we all walked out in protest. Apparently one of the guys stayed to give the bouncer a piece of his mind using four letter words. Heh. My boss was telling me yesterday that Equilibrium was also the scene of a shooting later that evening. So maybe it was good that we left. Maybe they should train their staff in customer relations to avoid this sort of thing happening in the future. All in all, a very exciting day LOL.

Went to Hurricane’s for dinner last night with Mike, Manda and Travis. Was lots of fun, and I always enjoy their company. The good thing about Hurricane’s is that there’s heaps of meat and you fill right up. I can’t believe I forgot to order extra Monkey Gland sauce, but I did take a picture (monkey!). Bondi is totally dead on a Monday night, I was quite surprised. But I’m guessing that’s because it’s winter and people don’t want to dine outside when there’s gusty wind. I wish I was able to afford dining out more often, as I’d really like to be able to spend more time with friends and try new foods. Maybe when I come back.

Hrm, I think I overreacted to something Mike said/did last night. I mean, he was being insensitive, but I really should have handled the situation better rather than I did. I’m not sure why I’m so insecure or why I reacted in that way. Normally I would have been able to laugh that sort of thing off and it would have been fine. But this time I just didn’t see it that way and reacted rather adversely. Maybe I’ve changed more than I thought I had. And not really for the better either. Or maybe I just find it harder to hold in my emotions anymore.

What else? New seasons of TV shows will be starting soon. Pity I won’t be at home when they come out. I’ve been trying to find new things to watch as both “Lost” and “Desperate Housewives” lost their appeal to me early in the second seasons. There’s a whole bunch of shows that have been on in the U.S. that we never hear about here. I guess it’s same for the U.K and stuff. It’s a pity Australia doesn’t make many shows beyond crappy soaps like Neighbours and reality TV that makes me want to cry or hurl things at the television set.