wafblog v3.0

So, being sick for 3 days gives you a lot of time to reflect on things. Well, that’s not reeaaally true. I’d already been reflecting on some of this. I think this whole being sick *AGAIN* has just made me think about it more. Yes. I am sick again. So annoyed at myself. I know I should not have pushed my body so far when I was sick the first time and even though I was recovering, I shouldn’t have been stupid and gone out and stuff >.<

I think I’ve just reached that time of the year again, where I question what the point of life is. And I still don’t know what that point is. Sure, I can be content in my job, with my friends, family… all that. I just am not sure if I’m missing something bigger. Is there more to life than what I’m doing now? Will this feeling ever change? I suppose not, and even if I went looking for more, I doubt that I would find it. I doubt that I would find an answer to the ‘meaning’ of life. Something to make me feel more satisfied. I wonder sometimes at whether my job is rewarding - not in monetary terms, but in a ‘contributing to society’ sort of way. I suppose it does. Much of the work we do provides assurance to the investors of the companies we audit. Which is an important function for the market and whatever, but I’m not entirely sure that this actually gives *me* job satisfaction. I dunno. I’ve been questioning it a lot lately, which is strange, because mostly I’ve tended to think of a job as a means to an end, and if I wasn’t particularly happy with my job I wasn’t too worried as I’ve always considered other things to be more important. Like friends, family. Maybe I was wrong about that - and maybe I want more from my job. Perhaps I just haven’t been there long enough to see the real ‘big picture’ just yet.

I think I’ve also come to realise that my priorities have been a bit off since I started working full-time. I knew that this job would be hard, I knew that it would demand a lot of my time and I knew that I would have to put a lot of energy into it if I wanted to succeed. I just didn’t think it would be this much. And maybe I didn’t think it would take this much of me. I’m not sure that I’m happy with the way it’s eaten my life. I don’t get to see my friends or my family as much as I would like to. Half the time, I don’t even know what’s going on with my best friend… that’s not the sort of friendship that I want. I come home feeling drained and don’t want to do anything more than sit in front of my computer and zone out. I don’t have the time or energy to pursue the things that I find interesting or want to learn more about. I have no hobbies and no time for band. I’m liking less and less that this is the case because I do not want to be defined by my job. I don’t believe that you should be define by your job, I don’t believe that it should be the only thing in your life. And I suppose I’m the only one that can control that. I guess I just haven’t been. So it’s time for me to re-organise my priorities, to determine what is important to me and what I should put more time towards. It’s time to learn to say no, and it’s time to say I need to be me.