wafblog v3.0

Alan sent me this link to the Marble Adding Machine, which is absolutely crazy and so completely nerdy I was blown away. Needless to say, I wouldn’t mind if someone built one for me :D

I’m sick. I hate being sick. I feel like, my body has failed me or I failed it. Possibly the later. Fueled by idiocy and alcohol. Mainly the latter. Need to cut back on the alcohol. My hip pocket’s feeling it. As is my waist line, my body and at some level, my own sense of worth. I know I drink a lot when stressed. I drank a lot last year when going through applications for grad positions. On top of the relationship situation and thesis, I think I just needed the out. I had my drinking buddy and together, we drank each week (sometimes more than once) and stumbled around the city in a drunken state. It was fun. It still is. I guess I just need to stop using it as the out. Because it amplifies your emotions and right now, I’m stressing about a lot of things and a lot of people. I don’t think I can be what they need if I’m not at the top of my game. The out I’m looking for, shouldn’t be alcohol. It should just be time out. For me to be me.

Friday night was CNNN2. It was pretty good, except for the last bit. I will remember not to invite randoms next time. I enjoyed spending time with my friends outside of work. I think most of us are getting to that stage where we’re no longer just ‘work mates’ and we’re actually friends. Of course, you’re always going to be closer to some people than others, but that’s just the nature of friendship isn’t it? In any case, I like the way it’s going – because I’ve never really had that before and I hope that even if we don’t end up working together for the rest of our careers that we’ll still keep in touch and stay friends. It’s a comforting thought I guess.

Saturday was fun… went to dentist. Got another filling. Cost me lots of money :s Then met up with old workmates to grab lunch and see Fantastic Four 2: Rise Of the Silver Surfer. It was good to meet up, I haven’t seen them since I left in January, and I always enjoy catching up. Sometimes I think it always amazes me that life goes on. You go and do your own thing and everyone else does as well. It’s odd. Anyways, was rather impressed with Silver Surfer. I was under the (mistaken) impression that they had made Silver Surfer a bad guy… which, if you’ve read the comics, he is not! He is the herald for GALACTUS!!!!!!! Yeah ok. So only I’m excited about that. They kept to the comics, and the story didn’t turn out half bad. Although Jessica Alba’s makeover did. I think, like the other Marvel movies, the sequel is better than the original (=

Went to Manda’s for Korean BBQ dinner afters because her friend Ying was visiting. There were quite a few of us there. I always love going to Manda’s. There’s always more food than you can poke a stick at, and I leave feeling like I’ve eaten enough for the week. We watched a little bit of ‘Full Metal Jacket’ which I’d picked up on DVD for $10 from the cheapo CD store on Pitt. Apparently Kirsten’s never seen it! And was amazed that ‘Full Metal Panic’ fully ripped off half the scenes LOL. Didn’t get to finish it (had to turn it down cos it’s weird eating to gunshot sounds…). We watched ‘Shaun Of The Dead’ after dinner. I have never watched a ’spoof’ horror movie before. I was pleasantly surprised :D It wasn’t scary, and I laughed like I haven’t laughed in a long, long time. There was one part I had to look away (too much gore >.<) but besides that, awesome! I might have to re-adjust my thinking on scary movies. Of course, knowing me, I’ll go watch one and not be able to sleep for a week again. I also have to check out ‘Hot Fuzz’ now.

I’ve spent the last two days at home cos I’ve got the flu. I was happy yesterday though, because the games I ordered from Play-asia arrived. Only took them a week, I’m so impressed. Anyways, I got Dialhex and Boundish, both by bit generations and for my GBu. Travis intro’d me to Coloris last weekend, and told me that they have like a whole series of games, so had a look at their site and thought I might try a couple. Dialhex is a bit like hexic, and Boundish is like a warped sort of pong. Both very addictive, and means I will now pop my GBu into my handbag so I can play on the train. Went back to work today, but took it relatively easy. Think I should be able to finish my stuff on time. Just need to make sure I get lots of rest. So yeah. Gonna go rest.

Or at least, my web life. Time that I could be spending constructively (blogging… uhm, I can’t think of anything else) has now been devoured by the ’social utility’ webpage that is…. Facebook. It really should be called a social menace. But, everyday, I find myself going to there – to see who has added who, if anybody has new photos, what new groups I can join and more recently, what new applications I can stuff into my profile page. Admittedly, it’s made very easy some of the things I wanted to do with this blog. Like, movie reviews! And snap-in Last.FM playlist! And book lists! And soon I hope… game lists! So yeah. I’ll sit at Tichondrius and next thing I know…. four hours have rolled by. Must learn discipline.

I have come to realise that my life is currently this:

Monday-Thurday: Work. If do not finish in time, take work home.
Friday: Work. Go to closest bar. Drink lots of alcimahol. Eat. Drink more. Go to K. Drink more. Go home.
Saturday: Go out. Random events. Try to fit in: dentist appointments, meeting friends, spending time with boy. Usually there’s alcohol involved at night.
Sunday: Rest. Get told off by parents.

I really should try to drink less. Or at least, not be so intent on drinking such large amounts such that I have lose control. But that’s the appeal isn’t it? To lose that control. I suspect I have blogged about this before. And perhaps this is boring. But I think somewhere, in the back of my mind – I know that I shouldn’t need to. I shouldn’t get to a Friday and want that drink (or four). I was asked if I felt like I had something to prove. I probably do. Not sure why. Maybe I’m trying to live up the life that I thought other people were having when I was in uni or whatever. That I didn’t have because I would go home and be good. Or whatever. Somehow this sounds stupid when I try to rationalise it.

Met up with people from uni on the weekend. We went to the Redoak Boutique Beer Cafe! I haven’t seen a lot of people from uni for a while and it’s always good to catch up. Found that people had fragmented into their small groups even more than before and didn’t really get to talk to some of them. That’s probably more my fault than anything. I get comfy with the people that I do talk to and as much as I’ve learnt to be more social, I, like everyone else, tend to stick to the things I know. And then complain that I don’t see enough people or know what’s going on with my friends. So I really should make more effort to keep up. Now to find the time….  I did however, get to try a blackberry beer. And a bunch of others that I don’t know the names to because they came with my food. Must go there again!!

I whinge a lot on here don’t I? Maybe because it’s the outlet for all the bad stuff. Or the stuff that sits on my mind and I don’t really tell people because it’s mainly introspection. My life probably isn’t as bad as I make it out to be. Although recently I can’t seem to do anything right by mum. Which again, is my fault. I should’ve put more effort into her birthday. But this whole her being sick thing, I do not believe makes me the most awful daughter in the world. I do care – and I do make sure she’s ok. Maybe I just don’t do in the way she wants. I got like half a dozen lectures recently, which were all topped off with a “I’ve given up on you ever showing me a little bit of love”. Far out. My parents have never really been the type of parents to be all cuddly with their child or whatever. And we never talk about our feelings or whatever. That’s some other family in some other universe. So what I don’t get, is why all of a sudden that’s meant to be MY family? And why I get lambasted for it? I must’ve missed something somewhere… I’m just not sure where.