I’m such a fucking moron. But I don’t know what to do. I get caught in the middle, between two good friends. And yeah, they’ve broken up, and I want to help them both. And I’m not taking sides, cos there are none. I just want them both to be happy and I want the best for both of them. So that’s what I try to do.
I place loyalty as one of the most important things about friendship. So how can you be loyal to two opposing sides at the same time? This is a situation I’ve found myself in more than once. And it’s not fun, but I try my best. Sometimes, it blows up in your face, and whilst you have the best intentions at heart… they don’t get it. Or they can’t see it, and they think that you’re not on their side. Or you’ve betrayed them. And that wasn’t it. If I’d told them straight off, they would have been more pissed at me than they are now. Fuck. I don’t want to lose friendships over things like this. I want to lose friendships because I was a fucking arsehole, not because I was looking out for you. Not because I wish I could take away the pain and make you well again. I want to be the jackass that other people are and not give a damn about it all.
What scares me is having friends who think like me. Who react like me. Because then, I can see why they’re angry with me. I’d be angry with me and that just makes me feel that much worse.
I’m not sure if I should post this publicly. It’s likely that it’ll come back to bite me in the arse one day. If you think you’re the one I’m referring to – this is not aimed at you, it’s not meant to make you feel bad. It’s aimed at me because I’m angry at myself for being this stupid.
