wafblog v3.0

so i’ve just gotten off the phone with su.. arguing with her for like… 2 hours about my ‘belief system’. which went from explaining what i believe to trying to convince her that it’s not a religion. COS IT’S NOT A FRIGGIN’ RELIGION SU!!! i believe something akin to the “seven planes of existence”. but not quite. dunno, anyways, now that i’m completely turned off my ‘belief system’ for the sake of it being dubbed the “rosaligion”, i shall have to find something new. LOL. and i can still tease su about her belief in the non-belief. ie, believing in not believing is still a belief system. confused yet? as of now, i am investigating Theosophy, which has the motto: “There is no religion higher than Truth”. looks to be interesting.

besides THAT, i had a good day :P was kev’s surprise 21st! which was heaps good, and he seemed quite happy about it all (: as always with buffets, i ate too much, and felt sick for a bit afterwards. but i got to have my jelly and that was all i cared about (: we went bowling afters, which was great fun. after being told to change the way i bowled, i consecutively bowled gutter balls for something like 4 frames. absolutely fantastic (: but hey, all in the name of fun right? :D

wow. i got a very belated birthday present from the group today (: kinda expected (heard a few rumblings :D) but soooo cool still (: i now have a dark side development kit to add to my star wars lego collection!!!!!!!!! w000t :D it was so exciting :D cos i had no idea what was in the big box… and yeah, i held onto it for dear life and didn’t want to let go LOL.

i was really touched that everyone took the time out to come to wenty at lunch to give me the present. it’s always nice to have all your friends with you, and know that they care (: i got a very funky chimpanzee card too :D

hrm.. i don’t think i’ve ever done so many smileys in one post before. LOL. see what a little bit of lego can do to a girl?

i hear an accounting tute calling my name….

mmm.. been a while since i blogged.
the weekend was good. spent the day with mike on saturday… and didn’t get much done LOL but that’s only to be expected i guess. twas danny’s 21st on sunday. 21st on the 21st. HEHE :D which was cool. out at bicentennial… we went to the wrong side LOL but we found it eventually. the weather was good. well, it was cool and ended up raining. BAHAH :P so didn’t get to go for a walk, but we had fun eating out designated 750gms of meat o_O i was so full after \:

reminder: MUST PUT IN HACKYSOC FORM. my god, i’m still as disorganised as last year ):

i saw paycheck with su yesterday. ben affleck. john woo. typical action movie. with the seeing into the future and changing the present to affect the future kind of weird-but-doesn’t-quite-work sort of thing going on.

so i slept in till 11:30 today *oops* and then i missed the 12:00 bus, so i didn’t get to uni till 1:30pm!!!!! totally missed my finc lecture \: but i was told it was a waste of time anyways, so maybe that’s a good thing LOL. did get to my 3603 lab, and got some more of lab 1 done. but it’s been a complete bitch. well, not quite. but they’re quite hard… and programming can be so time consuming. haven’t been studying as much as i’d like.. really need to get motivated dammit.

been a bit agro lately. like, easily irritated or something. not sure. maybe cos i know i’m behind on work and stuff. not sure. feeling like time is getting away from me tho. it moves so quickly….

song of the week: linkin park – numb.
so in the mood for some heavy stuff.

I’m tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface I don’t know what you’re expecting of me Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you

[Chorus:] I’ve become so numb
I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
‘Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart, right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
An’ every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus: Repeat]

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

[Chorus: Repeat]

I’ve
Become so numb
I can’t feel you there
I’m tired of being what you want me to be (x2)

well, after all the terrible debacles in setting up webspace, it looks like it’s *finally* going ahead. we are now three tylandrians, with little webspace but big dreams. well, that’s how i romanticise it anyways :P

so i met up with bec yesterday, got a photo from her 21st (see if i can get a scan of it) and a birthday present. i have new book to read!! :D w00t. and it’s not fantasy/sci-fi so that’s heaps cool (: *adds to list*

hrm. danness came to visit usyd today. LOL, last night he left these “pst” and “tap tap” msgs on my icq and i was like… WTH? and today i finished acct tute early and i’m walking on wenty level 4 and i’m like wth are you doing here? and he’s like “i tried to tell you last night” LOL! was so funny. ended up skipping 3603 lecture to go and play basketball. which was a hoot and a half. cos we got locked IN the court. so we had to climb the fence. it’s been a long time since i’ve done anything like that.. don’t seem to be as good at it now ): damn shame too. hrm.. had a few games of pool too (: and a TED. i’m now 2/3rds of the way to getting a “TED Trucker Cap”, cos i really want to advertise the fact that i’m an alcoholic. YUP! *cough*.

mmm… i’m already behind on my readings for my subjects. i feel really bad, cos it’s only week 2 and i’m behind ): so i’m DETERMINED that i will use my days off wisely. altho, manda sent me a job advert, for a one day a week accting job. so i’ll apply and see how it goes (: hrm. i’m really tired for some reason |: might head off i think. hrm. i think for once, it seems like the pieces of my life are falling into place. i know what i want to do, where i want to go. not bad. not bad.

*Sigh*. i don’t know anymore. why is it, that when you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re willing to do lots of little things to make them happy, but it just seems like it’s NEVER enough? you do this, you do that, you compromise a little, give a little and they keep asking for MORE? it’s like, can’t you SEE what i’m doing? can’t you see that i’m *trying* to do what you want, but goddammit, i need time to change. i can’t be someone i’m not. i don’t get it. i just don’t get it. *GAH*. too much angst.

anyways, i’ve been attempting to follow a new study regiment. 4 hours a day on weekends, and 2 hours a day on weekdays besides friday. i was successful for the weekend. and on monday. and terribly unsuccessful last night and tonight. altho, i did get my finc tute done today at uni so at least it wasn’t a complete waste. i’ve been much too distracted with reading harry potter fanfic. finding that even with less subjects i somehow still don’t have enough time to do all the things i want. i’m terribly behind on reading the bulletins board, my e-mail is clogging up like anything, and i practise violin even less now. i really really really need to clean up my act.

do you ever find that you get really anxious or worried about something and then it turns out all right? well, that happened to me today. got myself all worked up and worried about talking to su and then it turned ok. cos she knew it was coming anyways. so then i felt stupid. kind of. maybe more that like, i should’ve known. but not? because sif know what’s going to happen. i am glad however, that i was put in the position i was. i have never been in a situation like that, and whilst i have been able to understand what it feels like, it’s nothing compared to actually feeling it. and i know that from now on, i will make sure i never put anybody else in that position. maybe it’s just frustrating to know that my bf can go out anytime he likes, and i can’t. so the whole he goes out and i don’t get to see him just grates? well. that’s a factor. i know it is.

so today, we went to buy danny’s 21st present :D which was cool. and su got her shepherd’s pie so i think she was happy. we ended up at galaxy world. haha. played lots of games, got lots of tickets! came away with one very strange “ball” and three pocket gliders. HAHA. well, i guess it was good just to be able to play silly games for a while (: