wafblog v3.0

mm.. anniversary (: 4 months (: i must say, i’m happy. at least, i’m happy with my relationship. i don’t think i could ask for more. it’s been more than i could hope for, and so much more than i expected. i know in the end, that i’m lucky to have somebody that cares about me and accepts me for who i am. and for that i’m thankful. because i need that stability in my life, and somebody to remind me that it’s not really that bad and that there are things in this world worth living for.

on the other hand, i’m not actually happy. quite.. i dunno… grumpy? depressed? i don’t even know what to call it. somewhat not content with my life at the moment. partly due to stress from exams i think. partly due to lot of things building up. it’s funny to look back and think that in some ways, i’m not in any different a position to 6 months ago. even with everything that’s happened. the same stoopid things that existed then still do. only now, they piss me off. i’m sick of it, not wanting to deal with it anymore, done everything i can and i’m still here. still in this same damn stoopid thing. and i’m told that, despite me trying my hardest to be optimistic, what i was suspected all along was true. and then you wonder, why do you bother? why not just assume the worst in every situation, life will always just fuck up. but i’m not that sort of person.

mmm.. time for a song of the week. because it’s another one of those things that i’ve always wanted to do properly, but never got around to. my friend (jeff) burnt me a cd with a bunch of wc3 maps and in the space left over, chucked in a few mp3s. of these was the new 3 doors down album, where i found this little beauty. it’s probably what’s contributing to my mood, but it’s such a beautiful song, i have it on repeat. just by itself.. it’s oddly soothing.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight girl it’s only you and me

so i feel like shit right now. and i’m not sure why. maybe it’s the upcoming exams, maybe it’s just too many things getting to me. i’m not even sure why i’m letting them get to me. been pretty busy lately. not sure with what, tho. went out on the weekend… met up with mike and su. hehe.. that was a riot. we made mike try on clothes. (: i have to admit he did look pretty spunky in some of them, even if he doesn’t think so. pity no camera, or i definitely would have gotten a photo of the tank top!

i think i’m half feeling shit cos i’m sick of dealing with other ppl’s selfishness and inconsiderateness. like, with operation snapshot.. i don’t want to have to beg ppl to do it. they should want to do it cos they’re friends with su, and they want to do something to show that. but NO.. you give ppl 2 weeks notice, you tell them what’s needed and they still don’t do as asked, and tell you they’re busy and blah. and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, without sounding like a complete bitch. and i don’t want to do that. cos at the end of the day, i’m not the one answerable to su am i? maybe not.. but doesn’t mean i don’t feel it’s my responsibility.

so manda told me today that i’ve developed an attitude. not as bad as the beginning of this year (which is probs a good thing), but an attitude none the less. and i’ve kinda noticed it myself. i’m beginning to wonder if it’s a by-product of not wanting to deal with ppl’s shit. or i’m just tired. maybe it’s both…. but i know i’ve been sounding like a real bitch lately, and that’s not me. it’s not the sort of person i am. and i don’t like being it. i don’t know what to do to change it tho, i don’t know if it’s consciously controllable. i guess i’ll just have to try.

in other news, i’m treasurer for HackySoc again. the voting was so dodgy, i don’t know if i should be proud, or appalled. but nevertheless, i’m in it for another year, so hopefully this coming year will be bigger and better and more organised, and we’ll have lots of fun and make lots of money! *cheers*. or something.

i’m quite proud i can play scarborough fair on the guitar now :D and auld lang syne, and greensleaves. i’ve basically finished book 1 of this teach yourself guitar thing. but, i still need to practise some stuff, cos i can’t stretch my fingers that much and it’s really uncomfortable. probably because i’m not used to it, i’m not sure. but i haven’t been playing for that long, so there’s always time (: i haven’t been practising violin tho. 15 mins a day was all i was aiming for, but guitar kinda took over… i need to be more disciplined, or i’m going to forget all my skills and that would be such a waste.

anyways, implementing new sleep system. bed before 12. heh. let’s see how it goes (: