wafblog v3.0

just got back from going to a wedding with brendon. it was.. well, it was good, and i guess i’m somewhat surprised it was. because it could’ve been so different. yet, i enjoyed myself, and i spent most of the time catching up with my bro. it’s interesting how easily ppl can drift apart. and interesting how much you can care for somebody despite how badly they may have treated you, or done things you don’t agree with. and i guess, ultimately, i missed the friendship. i was, and probably still am, willing to walk away, if that’s what it comes down to. and i won’t hesitate if it comes to that. but still, i’m not the sort to walk out of a friendship that meant so much to me. i’m not the sort to give up on ppl. i hate the thought of it. and is it really the *only* choice you have if you have to do that to change a situation? i’m not sure.

anyways, digressing :P the wedding was good. the band was soooo loud tho. my ears are still ringing. and i got home an hour and a half ago! it was quite interesting to see some traditional cambodian dances tho. i know i hate dressing up, wearing dresses/skirts/makeup, but i think once in a while, it’s fun to doll up and play the part. be something different to what you normally are. push the boundaries and explore a little. and i guess that’s why i’m happy about tonight. cos that’s what i did. and i did it without relying on the ppl i usually do.
it makes me wonder about my future tho. in 5-6 years, i’ll probably be getting married, thinking about getting a house, having kids, the lot. and that’s a scary thought. cos i feel like i haven’t even begun to live my life yet.

chess. somehow, i always seem to lose ):
but, it’s still fun. and more so when suddenly all my pieces disappear off the board :P

i’ve been really tired lately, and i’m not sure why. sure, i don’t sleep enough, but it’s not like i haven’t done it before. i spent the first two years of uni on an average of 5 hours sleep per night. and i was still functioning ok then. these days? i feel like i can barely keep my eyes awake. today, i went to do some study, and i was just going to lie down for a bit… i ended up sleeping for like 3 hours. woke up and thought.. wth?! so i did a lot less work than i intended |: what’s up with that? i sleep lots, and then i go to uni and sleep more. i don’t sleep much, and i still go to uni and sleep.. in my LECTURES! no wonder i’m failing everything. i got 12/25 for my 2301 midsem. which is better than the 5/25 i was predicting. so i’m basically passing the course at the moment. i’m in a better position than i was last year, and i seem to be keeping up with most of the ppl in the course. so, hopefully i’m well placed to PASS the course this time round. *gah*!

on the other hand, i had a good violin lesson (: which is a shame as i won’t be learning anymore after this year. but my teacher says i’ve gained a sense of maturity with my playing. which is good, gives my playing a sense of depth, and feeling. i guess, as long as i keep practising by myself, even if i don’t take lessons, then it’s still a hobby i can keep. guitar-wise, i’m still on the same lesson i was a week ago. haha! but that’s cos i really like the song i’m playing (asturias) and i don’t want to move on. HAHA. i’ll be forever stuck on playing crotchets cos i didn’t progress to picking up and down. *coughs*. that’s really poor actually.

which reminds me. i have been torturing myself with the Halcyon recordings lately. i have this strange fixation with listening to them over and over, picking apart my playing and knowing that i should’ve done this or that or what-not. but i know, that it was a damn good effort for the 1 day of rehearsing we did. and i do think we sound good together. i guess.. hehe.. being the type of person i am, i’m a perfectionist and i’ll never be satisfied with anything that i do cos i’ll always think i could do better.

my stomach hurts from laughing too much *glares at su* but she thought that deja vu in the matrix was when the evil guys turn into cats to spy on you. BAHAHAHA! *clutches stomach* so we laughed about that for a good 10 minutes. i’ll never look at a cat in the same way :P

and i’m going to lose an hour of my sleep cos of bloody DAYLIGHT SAVINGS! *curses*

in the middle of finishing my metrics assignment. it’s 2:46am. and i have so much to say. firstly, i just want it to be stated that i hate group work with ppl i don’t know. especially when they don’t contact you, make decisions without informing you, and they don’t know what they’re doing so you’re stuck staying up till insane times at night trying desperately to read the last 6 weeks of notes and hopefully understand enough to answer the questions. i guess i’m no better than them.

the other thing on my mind is whether or not i’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life. i’ve just put one of my closest friendships on the line, because i can’t hack anymore. because i’m hurting the ppl around me, everytime a certain friend hurts me. and of course, i’m not in this alone. so i’m wondering if it’ll turn out the way we want. the happy ending. the one that you hope against hope for. and i must say, my lack of faith is disturbing. have things really come to a point that i can’t even see some hope for things getting better? maybe i’m too bitter and cynical for my own good. maybe i just know the situation too well. i’m scared. i’m scared the plan will backfire, and i will regret it. yet, i know if i don’t, that i will regret that too. cos i’ve always regretted not taking action when i could. and now, i guess yeah, now is the time. before we give up, and walk away completely, before we decide there’s nothing worth salvaging, we can give him a chance to fix things. redeem himself. prove us wrong. and maybe, just maybe. everything will work out for the best.

i guess it makes me ponder friendship, and what ppl are willing to do for their friends. i mean, if you’re putting your friendship on the line with the best intentions for the other person, it’s risking more than you can imagine. and what will you think 10 years down the track? will you hate yourself for it? or will you see that that was the decision you made and there was nothing else you could do? we always have a choice, we’re told. sometimes, it just doesn’t seem that way.

so i’ve been trying to save money lately. break out of my “it’s thursday and i have no money for food” type of scenarios. i’m not sure if it’ll work, but i think if i make it regulated and have a goal, i might get somewhere. so the goal? the goal is to save $20 a week. $20?!?! yes. it’s insane considering i have no source of income. i’m destined to be a bum on the streets. well, i guess it’s better if there are ppl saving with you, and helping you along. and i have that now so it’s heaps good (:

i’m wondering how ppl know they’re in love. it’s like, yeah you have strong feelings for someone, and they make you incredibly happy, but how do you know when it’s love? sure, you can say that you’d do anything for them, they mean the world to you but how can you prove that? i dunno. and ppl say, when you feel it, you’ll just know. but i’m the sort that believes you never really know what you have until you lose it. but i don’t exactly want to lose this person and then go “oh, i love them”.. how screwed is that! >.< *sits in the corner* maybe it’s just cos attempting to verbalise feelings is pretty much impossible, and as long as you know what they mean to you then that’s the most important thing.

anyways, promised i’d be in bed by 11:30…

my arms hurt! which is my own fault cos i went indoor rock-climbing today, but it was a whole heap of fun! i haven’t been in months, and my friend invited me, so i thought why not! there was one that i couldn’t conquer the first time and i got stuck halfway cos there just wasn’t anything to hold on to. and then i managed to conquer one that was harder so i went back to that and thought “that’s it!”… i conquered :D i’m so happy :P dunno, i find there’s a sense of satisfaction with achieving some physical exercise and working your body half to death. it’s a combination of the “my arms are gonna drop off” with the “i did it!” and the “i’ll do better next time!”. so, hopefully i can keep this up, and get fit at the same time!

i think that i’ve become so bored with uni, i’m losing discipline. i’ve started playing warcraft 3 again. well, the expansion (the frozen throne). i played with mike on the weekend, and tonight i played with mike and su. was quite funny, we played some warped arse map that comes with wc3x and well, it was quite shameful. we were completely obliterated by the computer. i think it’s the map. or, i like to think that the map is hard and it’s nothing to do with my lack of ability to play computer games. :D i live in a delusional world. i like it that way!

anyways, i have work that should be done, and i don’t want to fall asleep in too many classes. there’s hope i might make it to physics!

i went to the motorshow today with mike, su and brendon. had a pretty cool time, saw the cars i wanted to see, and decided that i’ll never be able to afford all the ones i want. LOL. that’s not very surprising tho. it’s amazing how some pieces of metal can cost so much! also had a look at the motorcycles (as if i wouldn’t!) and sat on a few of them. i don’t get why nobody will let me learn to ride a bike, i mean, sure it’s dangerous.. but it’s not like i’m gonna go out to try and kill myself.

i was generally disappointed with the show though, it’s changed so much in the last couple of years. it used to be full of concept cars and cars that impressed you and made you go *phwoar! i wish i had the money for that!*… now you walk around and see “Daewoo” and “Kia” and (not to knock them) you think… GREAT! *cough*. dunno, guess i’m more into the funky stuff, as opposed to them trying to sell a barina to some mum and dad. still, i walked out with a tree of advertising and posters, so who am i to complain!

anyways, i got an accounting tute to do. bloody random collections!