wafblog v3.0

When I’m falling down
Will you pick me up again?
When I’m too far gone
Dead in the eyes of my friends

Will you take me out of here?
When I’m staring down the peril
When I’m blinded by the lights
When I can not see your face
Take me out of here

All I believe and all I’ve known
Are being taken from me back at home
Yeah do your worst, when worlds collide
Let their fear collapse, bring no surprise

Pendulum – Watercolour

The last few weekends have been CA free, which has meant that I’ve been able to go out without feeling guilty. Over the long weekend I went to the Edwards compound in the mountains for plex’s birthday. It was nice to get away from the city following my exam and also spend time with friends I haven’t hung out with for a while. We checked out the Three Sisters on Sunday and also had awesome pies. I felt like the whole weekend was about eating. I’m not sure how I managed to fit so much food in, but damn I need to start dieting! On the Sunday night it was just three of us so we decided to attempt Rock Band 2’s “Endless Setlist” challenge. This is all 84 songs in a row… no breaks. We were probably a little insane to even try, but did manage to get through 56 songs before we collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. Considering we hardly got any sleep the night before, I think this was a good effort. We have booked in another weekend for us to try and get through all 84 songs – I’m looking forward to being able to say that I completed the challenge (: I’m glad I spent the weekend with friends, catching up and chilling out. We get few opportunities to do that these days and I know I will look back on these times fondly.

I’ve been in a contemplative mood the last few days. This always happens when my parents go away and I don’t keep myself busy. It means I have time to sit down, reflect on where I’m at and whether I’m truly happy. If I’m completely honest – I’m not unhappy. But that doesn’t really mean that I am happy either does it? If I contemplate the trifecta (work, home, love) I’m actually in a good place. I am mostly able to manage my parents’ ridiculous ideas of being a good daughter, I have a decent job (despite my complaints below) and there is someone special in my life. So why am I not bursting with joy?

Perhaps because I’m looking back at my resolutions for the year and wondering if I’m even close to achieving them.

I definitely have not achieved work/life balance. Although, my recent decision to quit working in two divisions and just focus on one should help with this. At least for the foreseeable future, it is unlikely the work pace will slow down. I realise now though, that work has been making me very unhappy for the last few months. Running on 4-5 hours sleep every night is unhealthy and tired to sustain.I talked to a few close friends about it and most agree that this was a good decision. I hope it pays off.

I have also realised that I have an inability to say “no”. If I really look at myself, that’s probably true in all aspects of my life. I’m not really capable of saying “no” to people. I truly dislike disappointing people. The problem is that, in trying to please everyone – mostly I end up pleasing no one. And I always get in trouble then, for over-promising and under-delivering. I struggle with being an overachiever and a perfectionist. And I’m not really sure how to fix that.

I’ve also been feeling a bit lonely lately. This seems completely nonsensical – I’ve had people over almost every night, but it doesn’t distract from the big empty house. The knowing that sometimes, you really are by yourself and the battles must be fought alone.

Go-karting in Wollongong!

Go-kart Track

Falling to earth!

Hurricane's!

Casualties sustained in clubbing....

And that’s all I really have time to show. Will post some time when I have real things to say…

Do you still remember how you wore that dress
it slit my sight beneath the eyelids
Do you remember what you said to me
What course has given you the right to stray
And in your living tomb I’m stuck but safe
The clocks are ticking fast with every breath

[Chorus]

Since we’ve been wrong
I’ve been part awake
Since we’ve been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I’m not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess

One day a rain will come to wash away
The earth that held us was no island
I have become ingrown inside this skin
I’ll find a way out through those eyelids

And all the days become a cast away
I seem to think I don’t belong here

[Chorus x 1]

I don’t belong here
I shouldn’t stay
What falls inside me grows empty
The wall between us will never break
Just seals it shut
It grows empty

Since we’ve been wrong
I’ve been part awake
Since we’ve been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I’m not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess

“Since We’ve Been Wrong” – The Mars Volta

Animania Sydney March was on Saturday. It’s been a few years since I’ve been to a mini, and it’s definitely grown since then. In fact, it grew so much that this year the venue was changed to ATP (where the main con is held). The day was pretty hectic – I was surprised at how many people attended and the store was busy all day except for when the Cosplay Comp was on. That’s pretty normal as most people like to see the cosplay and it gives us a chance to have a rest and grab a bite to eat. All in all, I had fun as usual and it reminded me of why I keep coming back every year despite not watching anime anymore.

I scored three bits of “merchandise”. One was given to me for free by a friend who runs a stall – it’s a wrib that says “Caution: Idiot” in English and Japanese. Very amusing to me and a good addition to my collection of wribs. Also bought a little badge showing a game of Tetris and the demo CD for my friend’s band. It’s actually getting hard to find new badges for my bag and my cap. A lot of the badges I see at cons now are not very witty and I’m finding less that speak to me as a geek. I need to find a few more to fill up the blank spaces on my cap in particular, but I’m guessing it will take a little while now.

I was lucky enough to be walking past the entrance when *this* walked in:

Too awesome!